FF7 Headcanons and Discussion

[looneymoon]

I am a little surprised a topic like this hasn't been created.

I was looking at Homestuck head canons and thought it would be cool to have an FF7 version of the same thing.

Before the inevitable bitching over the term "head canon" arises, I'll provide a brief glossary to explain what I mean.

Canon: Information established by the work and materials regarding the work
eg. The main party lives at the end of FF7

Fanon: Material relating to, but not constrained by the confines of the series' canon (sometimes outright defying canon in its entirety).
eg. Cloud enjoys wearing women's clothes in his spare time

Head canon: Information that is ultimately not part of the main story's canon, but is appropriate and undisruptive enough that it "cannot be unseen" while going through the canon (it's so true it may as well be canon!). It is ultimately confined to the canon of the series. These pretty much differs from person to person.
eg. Cloud is not a natural blonde

Ultimately, the purpose of this thread is just to see how everyone interprets the characters/world differently. What kind of things do you superimpose into the story? So much so that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot get it out of your brain while looking at it?

I'll give an example: for the life of me, whenever I read Bugenhagen's dialogue I hear Master Roshi's voice from the 4Kids DBZ dub in my head...

 

[Celes Chere]

Clack has always been my head canon. I know it's real, the LTD is just a cover because they don't want Cloud to come out of the closet until the VII remake. And we already know Zack is bisexual, so. He said "I love you" to Kunsel... obviously his ex boyfriend.

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

I hear Cid with Gary Sinise's voice. Always have, always will.

 

[Splintered]

Shera wears the pants in the Cid/Shera relationship.

Barret and Cloud are each others drinking buddies

Kunsel defected from Soldier to find Zack survived all events of Final Fantasy VII.

The train station NPC at Sector Seven refused to leave and died. He was also the same NPC that was there when Elymra found Aerith and when Tifa found Cloud.

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

Cid sounds like my dad in my head. Noticeable smoker's rasp, very good projection, impressive ability to utilize swear words when he so desired. Tis at least one of the many reasons why I worship Cid.

Edit: Also?

The train station NPC at Sector Seven refused to leave and died. He was also the same NPC that was there when Elymra found Aerith and when Tifa found Cloud.

^This.

 

[Ryushikaze]

This is probably stretching things, but as Shinra leads to Rufus, so does Rikku lead to Cid, Tida and Yuna lead to Cloud, Wakka and Lulu lead to Tifa, etc.

Well on the other side is that Cid Highwind's dad is Kain highwind who just jumped there one day.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

Mako being pronounced "MAY-KO" because of this dude ^
Even knowing its origins in Japanese, I still can't make myself think it as "MAH-KOH" no matter how much I hear it.


X

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

Dude, it took me months of correcting myself to start pronouncing mako any way other than as in "mako shark." I'm with ya there man.

 

[Vendel]

It's May-co and Tie-dus.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

The train station NPC at Sector Seven refused to leave and died. He was also the same NPC that was there when Elymra found Aerith and when Tifa found Cloud.

The train man, my main man! I thought this was canon fact, actually.

Head canon:
Tifa hated Cloud after Nibelheim; she assumed he was still working for Shinra.

Rufus is gay.

President Shinra loved Rufus's mother, who died when her son was born.

Lazard is incompetent. The SOLDIERs secretly make fun of their Director's pansy clothing and sissy deskjob behind his back, but nobody's clued Zack in on this because he's such an eager beaver than he's actually quite unpopular.

Reno's really a middle-class boy from a nice family, irresistibly drawn to the seamier side of life; he fakes a slum background because his real family is too uncool for the Turks.

Tseng has never in his life set foot in Wutai.

Aerith had no romantic feelings for Zack by the time he died. And neither did Cissnei.

Lucretia's mostly sorry for herself.

Chocobo race-fixing is rife at the Gold Saucer. Ask me how!

Scarlet got to the top in Shinra on merit alone.

Bugenhagen is a nasty manipulative old bastard.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

That there is only one Midgar Zolom. Shortly after being killed it turns red and clear and then dissipates. Then its lifestream returns to the swamp and recombines in the depths of the brakish water, causing it to regenerate directly back into its adult stage. It is therefore technically immortal and also the oldest creature on the Planet.


X

 

[Tennyo]

Tifa likes to lounge about in Cloud's clothes.

IT'S TRUE I TELL YOU!!!

 

[Ryushikaze]

Tifa likes to lounge about in Cloud's clothes.

IT'S TRUE I TELL YOU!!!

Cloud does the same.

 

[Zee]

1) both aeris and tifa have had sex with people who aren't cloud
2) they probably had sex with each other too
3) cloud is a sad virgin who gets teased about this every two seconds by barret and cid
4) actually vincent doesn't seem like he got any play either
5) i mean like that's some edward cullen shit with being celibate and creepy for decades
6) also where'd he get those ridiculous pointy shoes
7) you think he ever like accidentally stabbed someone in the heel just walking behind them
8) man that'd be awkward
9) how would you get anywhere walking around in those anyway it'd be uncomfortable as fuck on flat terrain let alone climbing mountains and shit
10) anyway i think i've gotten off the point here..................

 

[Tetsujin]

1) both aeris and tifa have had sex with people who aren't cloud
2) they probably had sex with each other too

^this

 

[Ryushikaze]

From point 2, at least. AeTi's many things, but it's still more fanon than 'so true it can't be unseen.'

Also 7 can't be true. He never ACCIDENTALLY stabs anyone with those.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Tifa likes to lounge about in Cloud's clothes.

IT'S TRUE I TELL YOU!!!

ALL girls like to lounge around in their boyfriends' clothes. And vice versa.

 

[Winter]

trolls horns are erogenous zones




is this the right thread for this

okay here have ffvii headcanons:
genesis never happened
dirge of cerberus never happened
shit crisis core never happened
except cissnei happened except she was a sexy suit wearing lesbian

(I actually have some really decent cetra/the planet related headcanons I should dig up when I get home ha ha)

 

[X-SOLDIER]

Oh god, there are SO many about the monsters in FFVII. We used to have whole conversations about the ridiculously messed up things in their world, and why they were there. Some of them have never managed to leave my head...


APS
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APS was used for Don Corneo's more kinky romantic encounters, which is why he's chained up directly under his room. Don Corneo also spent his non-sexual leisure time riding APS through the sewers and oppressing the Sahagins, because no one took him seriously as the mayor.
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Devil Ride
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Biker Gangs of Devil Rides ride around in the wastelands outside of Midgar, attacking people attempting to move to Kalm. They were the direct inspiration for ShinRa's lines of vehicles with all of their pipes and other things, in an attempt to exit the city unharrassed.
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Dragon Riders
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There is an entire society of Dragon Riders, they are simply too absorbed in living as hunters to be bothered with the rest of the world.
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Ghirofelgo
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Ghirofelgo really does just hang out on the ceiling of the Shinra Mansion, waiting to swing down and kill you from the chains that were once used for chandelliers.
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Golems
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Golems are a species of Robot people from another world who were stranded on Gaia.
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Grunts & Guard Hounds
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Grunts and Guard Hounds are some hitherto unmentioned mutants that spawned around the Mako Reactors and have been retrofitted with weaponry to help protect ShinRa's property. They are very territorial, and consider the reactor areas to be their homes. They begin blue and then slowly mutate as they age, turning red, and then finally black.
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Hell Houses
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Hell Houses actually roam the slums, disguising themselves as debris.
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Madouge
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Madouge is made of equal parts marshmallow and iron.
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Neurosuferoth
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Neurosuferoth was Sephiroth's first attempt at creating a Remnant, while he was injured in the North Crater.
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Vargid Police (Seriously, WTF)
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Hojo was personally responsible for engineering and employing the Vargid Police. If he had not died under his own experiments, he would have replaced all of the humans working at ShinRa with his own creations.
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Valron
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Valron wear parachute pants. They used to be humans who lived in Nibelheim that were experimented upon in the mansion and then escaped to live in exile flying about the plains.
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Vlakorados
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The Vlakorados once had a lair where all of their kills were brought. That lair became Bone Village.
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Zemzelett
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Is a Venus Flytrap/Owl Hybrid that uses a White Wind spell that isn't, because it sees light in a reversed color spectrum.
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X

 

[Ryushikaze]

(I actually have some really decent cetra/the planet related headcanons I should dig up when I get home ha ha)

Actually, I have one of these myself.

There is nothing inherently physically special about the Cetra as opposed to the population as a whole. It's entirely a philosophy/ training thing keeping them distinct at this point.

If humanity could figure out that philosophy again, the Cetra and the planet talkers could come back, strong as ever.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

X-Soldier, that is my favourite post ever.

I particularly like the idea of the Hell House as some kind of giant slum hermit crab. I mean it actually.... makes sense.

 

[Splintered]

Before AC/C happened, the 500 years later ending had me wholeheartedly believing that Midgar was the Promised Land, and that Shinra had exploited it so bad that it hampered its life. It was Shinra's ultimate irony.

Obviously I changed my views, but I still think my idea was better.

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

i agree on the point aerith and tifa have had sex with people other than cloud. idk otherwise its like square is pushing 'good girls WAIT 4 their trulove for sex and bad girls dont wear panties' or some junk.

aerith waited for cloud until he died, and helped him merge into the lifestream

yuffie helped to make wutai a powerful force in the ffvii world again

vincent died a short time after doc cause people stopped giving a fuck

cloud is NOT a virgin but this is only because zack got really drunk once

 

[Ryushikaze]

i agree on the point aerith and tifa have had sex with people other than cloud. idk otherwise its like square is pushing 'good girls WAIT 4 their trulove for sex and bad girls dont wear panties' or some junk.

Eh, given their circumstances and their age I could see either of them never getting around to having sex.

That said, Zack and Aerith totally had sex in the flowers. The Angeal copy watched.

cloud is NOT a virgin but this is only because zack got really drunk once Mukki worked in ShinRa Manor for a time.

Fixed.

 

[looneymoon]

I always never got a virgin vibe from Aeris. She was so confident and so readily flirtatious idk... I got the impression she was very much in tune with her sexuality. I mean, it's all part of the natural processes of the planet right?

Plus she grew up in the ghetto. She wasn't some virginal princess. Girl was hard as shit.

As for Tifa, I think there was enough time between Nibelheim and the game for her to have other love interests. I'm not too keen on the idea that she saved herself for Cloud ever since she was a small child... o_O